The Walk of Life
The ripples that we can make in each other’s lives…
When I reflect on last year, one of the absolute highlights was my Outdoor Therapy training. Sure I learnt lots of super useful things that mean that I am now able to spend a day a week outdoors with clients, which I love for so many reasons. But what made it special was the wonderful humans who I trained with. We travelled to the most beautiful of spots in the Peak District from all over the country, and our day-to-day lives and hobbies and backgrounds were all quite different. We were all counsellors, but specialising in different areas, some working for organisations and some working privately. And yet we were united by a love of nature, an amazing facilitator and an openness to learn both about nature, ourselves and each other. Each member of the group was so generous with their time and compassion, and the result was magical.
Some of the places that we visit can have a lasting impression on us, as can the people we walk alongside @Jules Lowe Counselling
We were only together for four days, but the bonds we formed felt powerful. And yet as we left the woods on the last day we returned to our regular lives and there was no obligation to keep in touch. The anxiously-attached among us may have felt a yearning to keep the magic going, but, actually, there is something in holding it for what it was, rather than trying to keep the bonds going in “the outside world”. Sometimes in reality shows people talk about making “friends for life”, as if the mark of the quality of the friendship is in how long it lasts. And yet in reality the dance partner will be paired with someone else the following year, the contestants who baked together for several weeks may find that they don’t have as much in common now that they’re not baking in the same tent… We want to cling on to the bond, but the impact has already been made, and maybe that’s all that needed to happen. There are certain things that I now do, both in my practice but also how I feel about myself, which will always remind me of those people that I spent four days in the woods with, and prove what an impact people can make on our lives.
Nobody has lived the exact same life as you. If we see it as life being one long walk, people will join you and walk some of the path together, some for short distances and some for long stretches, but no-one will walk the exact same path as you. It’s not just about sharing the experience together – it’s like each person brings with them a gift. This may not be a gift you wanted of course. But even if they’ve brought you a lesson that you’d rather you hadn’t had to learn, they will have shaped you into who you are today. (This isn’t to say that it didn’t suck – we don’t have to put a positive spin on everything!). But for now let’s focus on the gifts we do wish to celebrate. Food is a biggie for me – so much of what I eat is partly thanks to a host of recipes and treats that I’ve been offered or shared with others. And every time I cook them/ offer a snack tray, I’ll think of the person who first introduced me to them. Then there’s certain expressions, certain mannerisms, and even the way I dance – everything is an amalgamation of so many wonderful people who have walked alongside me (or danced) over the forty-plus years of my existence.
Some will walk alongside us for just a short time but make a lasting impact @Jules Lowe Counselling
Some of these people are still well-and-truly walking alongside me, whilst others I haven’t seen for years. This by no means negates the impact they had on my life. I often talk about Continuing Bonds with grievers – the idea that we can continue our relationships with our loved ones even when they die by doing things that helps us feel connected with them. The relationship cannot be the same as it was, as they are no longer physically walking alongside us, but the memory of them remains, and we can do certain things to remind us that the love that we shared still remains (perhaps like an extra layer of warmth that only we can see). The flip side of this, of course, is the impact that we ourselves are making as we walk alongside others – we are capable of making just as much impact on the lives of others, and often can do so without even knowing it. The ripples that we make can be far-reaching, and can continue long after we finish our own unique walk through life.
So my question to you is how would you like to be remembered? What ripples would you like to make? Sure, there are constraints, there are things that we have no control over. We can walk alongside people but we cannot make them change direction – they are the only ones that can decide to do this. But we can work out what is in our control, and decide on the general direction we would like to go. We can’t predict the future, we can’t predict the twists and turns that may appear on our walk of life, but we can decide how we approach them (or dance through them), and we can decide on the impact that we make on those who walk alongside us. Because you never know who might still think of you fondly, long after you’ve stopped walking together. Like those wonderful counsellors that I met in the woods.
Need somebody to walk alongside you as you navigate life’s twists and turns? Book an initial call with me and discover how we could work together.
