“But my problems aren’t big enough to see a counsellor…”

Why I believe everyone deserves counselling…

I’ll be honest. I spent years of my life thinking maybe I would benefit from speaking to someone, but would then dismiss the idea thinking that people had it way worse. It was only when I felt like I had a “legitimate” reason, a bereavement, that I finally took the plunge and made the best decision of my life. My counsellor was so warm and friendly, and I instantly felt like she understood me. We soon discovered that there was so much more to explore than the bereavement (although there was lots to explore there too!), and that in fact I’d been downplaying a lot that had happened to me in my life, things that were impacting how I felt about myself in the here and now. What could feel daunting – what do you mean there’s more?! – actually felt liberating, as I finally started to discover who I was and who I wanted to be, rather than who I felt I ought to be. Thanks to her support and her ability to hold space for me, I started to, dare I say, even like myself. So much so that I wanted to help others feel the same way.

I do sometimes wonder what life would have been like had I started counselling sooner and how different my life would have been. Or maybe I went at the right time for me? The whole point is nobody knows. There are no rules on when to start counselling or why you should start counselling, so maybe if there’s a little part of you that’s curious, it’s something to explore?

A space just for you

How often do you stop and take a moment for yourself? What with work and family commitments and admin, life can be so busy and demanding. There is something therefore so special about carving out 50 minutes a week just for you. I have clients who sit down and audibly exhale. It’s the only time they feel they’ve properly sat down all week. Maybe it sounds indulgent – wait, just for me? But actually, there’s so much truth in the expression “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” We spend so much time caring for others and making sure they’re ok, but if we completely burn out, we’re of no help to them. The ripples you can make by spending some time on yourself can be far-reaching. But also, you are important, and I would offer that 50 minutes a week is nothing compared to a lifetime of feeling just that little bit better about yourself.

Trees support each other to stand tall, even in challenging circumstances @Jules Lowe Counselling

A space to unload

Ever feel like your head is so full of thoughts that it’s going to explode? There is something really powerful in getting those thoughts out, so that they’re not whirring around in our head, and feeling like we’ve been truly heard. I once had a client say that counselling was the only place that they could talk out without thinking in - unlike when you’re talking to friends or family, you don’t have to worry about what I’m thinking or whether you’ll upset me; you can just let it all out. When I first started training, I was desperate to fix everything for my clients and make it better, and I think a lot of us try to do this when someone shares a problem with us. We want to make it better; we don’t want to see them sad. However, I started to see what my tutors were talking about it terms of the power of actively listening and making space for this sadness, making space for all the emotions. Real healing can take place when we are not silenced and are permitted to release everything that we’ve been bottling up in a safe and controlled way. I’d offer that we don’t need someone to fix us – we’re not broken, we just need someone to witness what we’re feeling and help us to feel seen and heard.

A space to feel understood

“I feel seen.” Three words that feel so powerful when uttered in a session. In a world where everyone is rushing around and being busy, we can start to question whether anyone has time to notice us and truly understand us. And so often, we don’t understand ourselves. We’re the ones rushing around and not questioning why we might be feeling the way we do. “What do you need?”, “What do you truly value?” are questions that clients often struggle to answer – we feel that our needs aren’t being met, that we’re being misunderstood, but we’re so busy looking after everyone else that we don’t know what our own needs are or what we really want from life. Counselling gives us a space to feel seen, heard and understood by another person, but also helps us to start to see, hear and understand ourselves.

A chance to take a step back and see things more clearly @Jules Lowe Counselling

A space to explore

You don’t need a specific problem to come and see a counsellor. I used to think a counsellor wouldn’t see me because they have people with far bigger problems – who am I to take up their space? The answer is that we all deserve to take up some space, and there is no hierarchy to suffering. Many people come to counselling because they’re curious – they’d like to explore what’s going on for them and gain a greater understanding of themselves. “I’m curious” is something I say a lot in sessions because I am. I don’t know the answers, I wasn’t secretly given the rule book to life... I can offer insight from my training, from allll the reading I’ve done and from seeing patterns in clients who have experienced similar things. But ultimately you are unique – nobody has experienced exactly what you’ve experienced and so nobody is going to see the world exactly as you see it. So we get to explore together. I try to walk in your shoes and see life from your point of view, and maybe help you zoom out and see the bigger picture or make links between long-held scripts, thoughts and behaviours that are keeping you stuck, but we’re exploring together. I’m here to walk with you, and perhaps (probably) throw a little compassion your way.

Growth can occur even when obstacles get in the way; counselling can give you the sturdy soil in which to truly flourish @Jules Lowe Counselling

A space to heal and grow

I’m not going to make promises of being able to change your life in a day. For a start, I believe it’s you that will make the changes, not me – I’m here to encourage you, believe in you and offer potential paths, but only you can choose the path you want to walk down and make the decisions needed to make change happen. Also, healing takes time. You wouldn’t expect a broken leg to heal overnight. Whether our wounds have been created by events or people, or by our own thoughts and behaviours that we have developed to protect us, but now feel unhelpful, these wounds have made an impact and it’ll take time, love and support to heal. Growth takes time too. You may start seeing little shoots of potential, but those shoots need to be watered and nurtured, the roots need to be embedded and grow in the rich soil so that they are strong and can hold you up when the weather gets challenging.

But healing and growth does happen, and oh my, how wonderful it is to witness a client blossom and begin to reach their true potential. Just like my clients, I’m still growing, still exploring, and I don’t want to stop – because by continuing to be curious and discovering new insights, it feels like I’m truly living and it feels great.

Interested in growing? Get in touch to begin exploring together.